Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDTS)

I'm making this post with a heavy heart hoping to get more photographers involved with this wonderful organization - Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. I've been involved with NILMDTS for the past year. Photographing babies for these families has been one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. I've posted below some recent messages I've received from Kathleen, the mother of baby girl Parker who I photographed last year. Her letter was so touching and it made me realize how important it is to do these sessions.

This morning, there was a feature story appropriately named "Healing the Heartbreak" featuring a NILMDTS photographer Jessica Person on MSNBC this morning that nearly brought me to tears. I'm so glad that NILMDTS is getting this publicity! I know that many photographers will join the team and change so many lives because of this. - CLICK HERE TO WATCH

Here are the messages I received from Kathleen...

On Feb 15, 2008, at 1:47 PM, Kathleen Hudson wrote:

I can't write this without sobbing, which is probably why I've never written it before, and for that I apologize.

Thank you, Mike.

I don't know if you remember me....we met on February 22, 2007, the day you came to Hoag Hospital to photograph my daughter Parker, who was born 17 weeks too soon, and didn't live very long after her birth.

I can't believe it's been a year, next week. I can't tell you how profoundly painful this past year has been.

All the same, I want to thank you from the depths of my soul (forgive me....I am just grief-struck at the moment....)..........it's hard to find words.

Without you, and your wonderful gift, I would be lost. Her precious face, her hands, her feet....(that big toe!)...would be only memories to be ravaged by the passing of time, were it not for you.

I remember, in the hospital, begging for the nurse to take a picture, because I know how awful my memory is and I couldn't bear to ever forget Parker's face.

I truly expected a polaroid or little snapshot, and would have been grateful for that. But you came. You honored my daughter, and you gave us a gift that I will treasure for the rest of my days.

I apologize for not telling you sooner, how very much Alan and I appreciate your time, your talent, and the warmth with which you treated all of us.

Mike. There are no words.

"I'm eternally grateful" doesn't even touch it. I don't know what to say. Thank you.

You are a very big reason that I can even survive this.

Kathleen Hudson

ps....I also apologize for the medium, but please understand that anything handwritten would be tremendously waterlogged at this point, and illegible. My shirt is wet and there are splatters all over the desk! I don't even bother to wipe the tears away at this point. They come too fast.

Take care,
Kathleen


On Feb 22, 2008, at 11:04 PM, Mike Colon wrote:

Hi Kathleen! I am so happy that you wrote! I can't tell you how much your letter means to me! Parker is so precious and I reflect on our time together often! I pray for you that God will give you the strength you need to get through the pain you speak of. Your letter is such an encouragement for me to continue doing sessions like this. I would love to share your letter with other photographers who do this work to inspire them to shoot more of these sessions. I'll keep it private if you wish. Thank you so much for writing, I hope we can keep in touch. Warmest regards, Mike


On Feb 25, 2008, at 11:13 AM, Kathleen Hudson wrote:

Hi Mike,

I'm back in the real world today. Yucky! I liked our little weekend escape. We went to Mammoth. It snowed the whole time!

I know that I briefly responded on my phone while I was up there, but wanted to let you know...please DO share my letter.

I have struggled and struggled with finding the right word, and I just can't do it. So bear with me.

What you did for us relieved me of the burden (not the right word!!) of struggling to remember her face, her features. It is so hard, under that much stress, to stop and look. To look with your eyes and your heart and to capture something that you know you will never, ever see again. To hold it in your mind's eye. During that much stress and grief, it is nearly impossible.

I would have felt like such a bad mommy if I forgot her face. Thanks to you that will never happen.

Anything I can do to help you encourage others to give the incredible gift that you gave us, I will do. I mean it!

I am sure it seems like a thankless task at times (and I am part of the problem)...it just seems like any detail dealing with the death of your baby that you don't absolutely HAVE to acknowledge, you don't. To acknowledge means you have to face it, you have to accept it, and that is a very diffuclt thing to do. I changed email accounts rather then unsubscribing from all the baby and pregnancy websites and email lists. Avoid, avoid, avoid. I've gotten very good at that. But there was never a day that I looked at her pictures that I wasn't profoundly grateful for you.

I wanted to let you know (though you might already know) about a photo retouching service offered by babyangelpics.com - they do a nice job, and will retouch until they get it right. Although she was the way she was, it's nice to see her without all the bruising. I am attaching one of your photos I had retouched, that I look at often.